Kylie shows she's a true artist on BRAND NEW 'Finer Feelings' - watch now!

Fierce and mighty.

So there was this girl named Kylie and she was a soap opera star in Australia and then a soap opera star in England and then a pop star everywhere for the next TWO AND A HALF DECADES.  She was at the top of the music heap then at the bottom, and then pulled herself up by her gold hotpants and became the PRINCESS OF EVERYTHING ALWAYS - in the process conquering cancer, having some of the biggest hits of the 2000's and becoming Britian and Australia's most powerful celebrity. 

In case you're wondering how she managed all that, the long answer is very complicated and involves branding and marketing and promotion and PowerPoints with lots of tedious graphs and such, but the short answer is THROUGH DECADES OF CONSISTENTLY AMAZING MUSIC.  And just in case you need more clarification about that, someone has chucked together this handy compilation clip that sums up the Pop Princess's videos in a remarkably un-tedious 17 minutes.  It advertises itself as a celebration of one star, but in reality is a time capsule of pop music itself over the last 25 years.  It traces popular song from its 80's infancy to the all-powerful force it is today.  But be warned, ScopiSubjects - you think you'll watch it for just a couple minutes but then 20 minutes later you'll look up from your screen, bleary-eyed and wondering what happened.


Worldwide she's as big as Madonna, and in the U.S. she's a cult celebrity with a fanbase (read: the gays) more rabid than America's biggest acts could ever hope for.  And to celebrate sticking around for 25 years, K-Mo has launched the K25 "project," which is essentially a YEAR-LONG CELEBRATION OF HERSELF - which we think we can all agree is AN AMAZING THING TO DO.  Included in that celebration is new material, and an album of her greatest hits recorded with a live orchestra at Abbey Road studios.  And to kick things off, Kylie has given us this video of her 'Finer Feelings,' which proves once and for all something that die-hard fans learned during her late-90's "indie phase," and what the general public is starting to finally realize - that underneath the glittery pop veneer, Miss Minogue is an ACTUAL ARTIST.



"Perfection."

Brillballs Gabriella Cilmi is back with some 'Vicious Love' - watch the premiere now!

Haters can ride it.

In "ABOUT GODDAMN TIME" news, Gabriella Cilmi - who gave us the literally amazing 'Sweet About Me' and 'On A Mission', is back on the scene with a sort-of-single, sort-of-teaser to give a taste of what is in store for her new album.  And it is VERY GOOD.

The Aussie songstress started out at the age of just 16, riding the new-soul tidal wave that brought us Amy Winehouse and Duffy, but then went full-on pop for her second album.  This new material seems to have more in common with her low key soul roots, but luckily for us it seems like she didn't forget everything she learned on her sophomore long-play, as the first track still has a definite pop edge to it.

It's no wonder her handlers have decided to turn back the clock, though - her first album outsold its follow up 2-1, and even spawned some success in America - something she couldn't replicate with her last album, '10'.  Perhaps they're trying to get back some of that chart magic, but we doubt we're alone in hoping there's at least one disco-stomper on the new LP.

Welcome back, Gabriella.  We missed you like whoa.

FREE DOWNLOAD AHOY - The new Santigold is very good but "not everyone's cup of tea"

Santigold used to be called Santogold but isn't any longer.  She also used to make music but then stopped for like, 5 years or something.  Anyway, new name in tow, she's returned with a BIG COMEBACK SINGLE that will probably win a thousand Grammys but be played on the radio only once by a late-night NPR DJ who is a close personal friend of the artist.

It's got some of the hallmarks of a hit - sick beat, "now" lyrics - and anyone with a keen ear might hear a kinship between it and recent tracks by Beyonce and Nicola Roberts.  That's because it was produced by Switch, who did music for each of them. 

But regardless of its pedigree, it's MORE THAN A BIT STRANGE and miles away from anything chart friendly.   The video certainly doesn't help matters, as it's a low-budget celebration of 90's live animaction with a few quirks of its own.  Look, bad lighting and no makeup!  Squiggly lines everywhere!  Hi-tops!!

It's as if all of fauxhemian Brooklyn got together and said "let us anoint a 35 year old woman from Philadelphia as our queen" and this is what resulted.  Which isn't to say it's bad.  Just that we're going to wait for the next single before we pre-order the album.

Luckily this track is ABSOLUTELY FREE over at Santigold's website

So, weird or not, it's still going on our iphone.

Mission accomplished, Santigold.  Mission accomplished.

Alexandra Burke is back with BONA FIDE CLUB BANGER 'Elephant' - listen now

...you've got something on your lips, dear...

Alexandra Burke has had quite a time of it hasn't she?  She burst onto the pop scene as winner of the UK X-Factor in 2008, and has since tallied up 3 number 1 singles and a chart topping album.   She was the first female solo artist to sell a million copies of a single, and sold 105,000 copies of her debut track...in a single day.

But as is the way in these fast-moving times, things got a bit wonky toward the end of her first album's campaign.  Granted, it was the sixth single from the parent LP, but final release 'Silence' only limped to #16, and many started wondering if Alex's follow up album would suffer from the dreaded sophomore slump.

Well it's about time to find out, as the lead single from Ms. Burke's second record is finally here.  'Elephant' is an of-the-moment donkfest of the highest order, with a thumping beat and bubbly bassline.  But while that formula once nearly guaranteed chart success thanks to the dance music craze, one can't help but feel that Alexandra is jumping on the bandwagon just a bit too late.  In fact, we're pretty sure that 2012 will be the year that the current manifestation of club music jumps the shark and is replaced by some random underground oddity that will be co-opted by an up and coming pop act. 

Only time will tell whether Alexandra's foray into poppers-o-clock pop will prove successful, but at the very least we get a jam of a song out of it.

The Wanted take over Ellen for their first American tv appearance - watch now!

Buy my single and I'll move the sign.

So apparently 2012 is not only the year in which the world ends, but is also the year in which England once again launches a pop invasion of the US.  With Cher Lloyd already gunning for the American charts with 'Want U Back,' fellow teen popstars The Wanted have just upped the ante by performing their UK #1 single 'Glad You Came' on Ellen.

The group have already been trapsing around to radio stations and playing club gigs in seedy eurotrash gay bars, but with a radio re-release of the track slated for January 24, it appears the boys are going big or going home to jolly old England.

The performance itself is pretty by the numbers, with some awkward standing around and then some QUITE THRILLING (read: not thrilling at all) running around in the audience.  But it is notable for being pretty damn on-point vocally, and even for the world's top pop acts that's a big feat these days.  If anyone had doubts these kids have some serious vocal chops this video will go a ways toward silencing them.  But that doesn't mean their infectious brand of UK cheese will make any impact in the charts.

As we've seen lately with everyone from Kylie to Leona Lewis, US success has less to do with quality than it does with quantity and relentlessness of promotion.  Despite a balls-to-the-wall fierce America's Got Talent performance, K-Mo's singles off her latest album floundered outside the dance charts, and with no in-person promotion to speak of, Leona's 'Collide' barely made an impact.  A lot of this is just because the US is so damn big that a few tv and radio spots can't possibly cover the number of people required to have an actual hit, but it's also because the charts have become so homogenized of late that unless you're Katy Perry, Britney or LMFAO, no one is going to play your song anyway.

Sure, the UK gave us Adele, but let's not forget that she also was on most every awards show there was in 2011.  Her whole album was lightning in a bottle, but more importantly, she had the touring and promo schedule to back it up.  The question for The Wanted is whether they are willing and able to do the same, and are ready to sacrifice the time and effort it takes to make it Stateside. 

We're guessing they are - if only just so they can have ultimate bragging rights over JLS.

'Glad You Came' is out to download now in the US, and will be rereleased to mainstream radio on January 24.

Cher Lloyd's rather amazing 'Want You Back' finally gets a video

What do you mean I wasn't supposed to put on ALL the makeup?

If you live in the UK you've probably already made your mind up as to whether you love or hate Cher Lloyd.  If you live anywhere else, you probably have very little idea who she is, which is exactly why Cher's handlers have gone ahead and chucked an American rapper on her new track for literally no reason at all.

The dude's name is Astro and he came in like 11th on US X Factor or something, but no one cares so that's all we will say about that.  What people SHOULD care about is the video, which is KIND OF TREMENDOUS.

Cher's strong suit has always been her personality - she doesn't just sing words, she injects them with her own unique weight and meaning - and it's on full display in this clip.  It's basically her spunkily stalking her old (very hot) boyfriend and his new girl, jumping into their pictures and videos and dumping stuff on them. 

For anyone who's been through a painful breakup recently it could be a meaningful and cathartic experience, but for the rest of us it's just QUITE A LOT OF FUN.

Also she looks amazing.  So good for you, Cher.  Now stop letting them put rent-a-rappers on your tracks.  Thanks.


Cher Lloyd Feat. Astro - Want U Back (HD) from mike roda on Vimeo.

Goldfrapp's new single 'Melancholy Sky' is a gorgeous slice of electropop heaven

CAN SOMEONE HELP ME FIND MY CAR KEYS

Goldfrapp is an amazing band that everyone thinks of as an EPIC DANCE GROUP but is really an EPIC ELECTRO-CHILL GROUP.  Much of this confusion comes from the fact that nearly every chart hit the band has had has been a poppers-o-clock thumpfest, but has also not really been representative of their overall sound.  Like, at all.

Sure, they did one largely-clubby album, but other than that their output has always consisted of mostly low-key melodic e-folk.  Which is fine.  We don't judge.  ("hahaha, that's a joke" etc.)

Anyway, their slower, more pensive tracks are arguably their best ('Black Cherry' and 'A&E,' anyone?), but we have to admit that every so often we still long for the stomping, faux-flapper discobitch that gave us 'Ooh La La' and 'Strict Machine.' 

Every time we get our hopes up,though,  they let us down - albeit in literally the BEST WAY POSSIBLE.  Everything inside us calls out to them to give us a donkfest club stomper, but instead we are given gorgeous, glittering, pitch-perfect downbeat pop that puts most every other group to shame.  And their new single is no exception.  It's ethereal, melodic, and a wholly immersive experience that pretty much no other band is doing and certainly no other could pull off, which might be exactly why the group insist on giving us these tracks instead of going along with the current dance music trend. 

Long story short, 'Melancholy Sky' may not be the banger we were hoping for, but if disappointment sounds this good, we'll take it.

2012 starts with a f*cking bang - the Scissor Sisters have just put out what may be the single of the year

We just blew your minds with our amazing new single.

What you are about to hear is epic in every sense of the word.  It is current without being trendy, it is pop without being pandering, and it is

literally

tremendous.

Here is Scissor Sisters' new single 'Shady Love.'

Shady Love (Clean) by Scissor Sisters Official

Jessie J falls down like a 'Domino' in new video - watch now

Haters gon' hate.

We get that Jessie J is a BONA FIDE TALENT or whatever but that doesn't mean she can't still piss us off.  We're not sure why either.  Are we annoyed that she always looks like a tranny in that awful bob?  Or that she over-emotes to the point that we want to cut her face off? 

It could be both.

Which is unfortunate, because each of those things is on FULL DISPLAY in her new video for the admittedly very very good 'Domino.'  It's a jam and it has a beat and you can dance to it but to be fair it could have been sung by literally anyone and still be just as good, if not better. 

Anyway, the video finds JJ mugging for the camera in some glittery catsuits and some 90's gear, and it's all jazzed up by some "inventive edits" in order to disguise the fact that the whole thing was done "on the cheap."  And here it is.

Rihanna says 'You Da One' in her new video

This is a thing that happened.

Rihanna just wrapped up her GIANT ALL-CONQUERING TOUR in London, but apparently she was quite busy even while that was going on, shooting videos and collapsing from exhaustion and the like.  Luckily the 'You Da One' video, which just premiered, doesn't find her actually doing that much, so hopefully it didn't contribute to her fatigue too much.

Unfortunately the fact it doesn't find her doing much means it's a pretty boring watch, unless you're a fan of dodgy wigs (which we understand many of our readers are).  To be honest we've never been a huge fan of Rihanna's midtempo "jAmZ," as we're not sure she has the voice for such things and they always trend to the boring side of "good," but as generic pop songs go we're not going to complain about 'You' and instead will just say it's highly unlikely to unseat her current #1 track 'We Found Love' from the peak of the charts. 

Speaking of 'We Found Love,' congrats, RiRi, on your longest running chart-topper ever.  Maybe you can celebrate by donning a tacky blond weave and running around in black-and-white for a few minutes.

OH WAIT.

The Lips that we call Lana Del Rey has a new video out and here it is

Even this photo smells like patchouli and BO

First off we would like to apologize for our SHOCKING LACK OF POSTS over the last few days.  We've been doing several things, including organizing our "BEST OF 2011" list and also drinking quite a lot. But lo, ScopiSubjects, our silence is broken!  For the large-lipped Lana Del Rey has foisted another video into our pop pubis and it absolutely demands to be snarked about.

Initially we were kind of interested in Lana, in a "she totally gets that she's that cat lady with all the plastic surgery and it's fun and self-knowing and winkingly ironic" way, but then it turned out that actually she had no idea she was a walking fauxhemian joke and pretended to be all REAL and AUTHENTIC while attempting miserably to speak out of her labia-with-an-allergic-reaction mouth.

It wasn't that we were no longer interested at all, however, as most pop stars these days seem to have a healthy amount of selective memory and social blindness when it comes to their own ridiculousness.  But then she did that awful video teaser thing where she was naked and cuddling with a homeless and called it the OFFICIAL VIDEO but then also stuck a thing at the bottom of the OFFICIAL VIDEO saying "OFFICIAL VIDEO COMING SOON."

And THAT is when we completely lost interest.

Anyway here's her new video and it's actually not half bad but for us it is TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE and we're afraid that to us Lana Del Rey will always be that vagina-lipped girl who hugs smelly hipsters for cash.

Kelly Clarkson gets 'Stronger' in new video - watch the premiere now!

My boobs are made of Grammys

Our last post was all DOOM and GLOOM and WILL.I.AM pretending anyone gives a shit what he does.  Which is why it's so good that today, the LIVING RAY OF SUNSHINE that is Kelly Clarkson released her video for 'Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)'.  It's a good reminder just in time for the holidays - that no matter how many unintentionally-terrifying Justin Bieber videos come out, as long as we can make it through alive, we will come out the other side a better person with bigger pecs and biceps.

Or something.

Anyway, the video is Kelly doing her usual Kelly thing, but also has an added flash mob thing going.  It's super cute in a "flash mobs are a thing that was awesome a couple years ago so lets do one in a video" kind of way.  The choreography was put out a while back, in order to give KC's fans a chance to learn it and perform it in the clip, and the payoff is a lot of fun to watch.

As for the song, 'Stronger' is the second single from Clarkson's fifth (!!) solo album, and it is very good.  Not as good as 'Mr. Know It All,' but a smidge more addicting and certainly hit-worthy.  Which is good, because we have a feeling we'll be hearing it quite a bit all winter.

Signs of the Apocalypse #12 and #13 - Will.i.am's 'T.H.E.' and Justin Beiber

Ok so we're only a few days away from 2012, which is when the world is totally going to end if you ask alarmist tabloids or the people who make Discovery Channel "documentaries".  And you know what, ScopiSubjects?  WE BELIEVE IT.  Because judging by the following two videos, we are careening wildly toward a horrific nightmarish oblivion like the dream world from The Cell or something, and it will totally have J.Lo in it too but not the good J.Lo, the crappy one when she was chucking out shit like 'Loubitons' and falling on her ass on stage.

Yes this week saw the debuts of two videos by - and it pains us to say this - two of the most popular male acts of our time.  Will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas, and Justin Bieber.  Both are horrifying - the first, for its overblown ego-centric budget-busting monstrousness, and the second, for, well, LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.

First up we have good ol' Bill.  We know we weren't the only ones who threw a handful of glitter-confetti when The Black Eyed Peas announced their hiatus from music, but it turns out that all that means is we have to deal with even more of Will.i.am on his own.  Which in its own way is even more terrifying, since we don't have the buffer of cutaways to that one dude in the group with long hair who doesn't actually do anything to protect us.

So Will has gone off and done another solo track to fill his time, but AS IS THE WAY NOWADAYS, it's not actually solo at all, and features J.Lo (The Cell!) and Mick Jagger because of course it does.  The song itself is actually not terrible - it features some "sick beatz" etc. - but we just can't get over the video in which Will.i.am does "crazy things" and appliances rain from the sky and then nonsense happens in bombastic and heavy-handed fashion.  It's not that the video is bad, really, it's just that -like most of the Black Eyed Peas output - it's kind of a buffet of "lowest common denominator."  It's as if some focus group wrote a stream-of-consciousness list of all the expensive and flashy ways to make Middle America think a pop star was "balling" or whatever the kids say these days, and then Will.i.am read it and was like "oooh this is good - let's do all these things but also make them suck."


So there's that and it's out there and we all just have to deal with it.

Which brings us to Bieber - pop's premiere mouse-lesbian.  Now, just to make things clear, we don't hate the Beeb.  He's a talented kid who just had everything go exactly right for him, and there's no reason to begrudge him that.  But as much as we approve of his modern day rags-to-riches story, we cannot sign off on his new, literally frightening, Mad Max Christmas nightmare of a video. 

We'd go into the specifics of why, exactly, it is the video antichrist, but to do so would require reliving each chilling moment of the tinsel-tainted shitstorm that is "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town."  And that, dear readers, is something we just cannot bring ourselves to do.


Pray.

Diana Vickers is back with the a FREE DOWNLOAD of the brilliant 'Make The Boys Cry'

I'm the only thing holding up this wall.

Diana Vickers was a semi-finalist on the UK X-Factor, then a number one-selling pop star for a minute and then a has-been about a minute later.  That's the way it goes in this world of flash-in-the-pan pop strumpets - at least those with little real talent.  But lack of talent wasn't why Diana crashed and burned.  In fact, it was quite the opposite.

It all started out well, when after being eliminated from the X-Factor, Miss Vickers signed with a label and chucked out the amazing 'Once' which topped the charts and was one of the pop highlights of the year.  Her followup single didn't fare so well, but that was fine because its parent album had just been released and followed 'Once' to the number one position.

But then it came time to do that "album relaunch" thing which was all the rage for about a year, so Di-Vi went back into the studio to cut some new tracks for a SUPERFLUOUS DELUXE MONEY-GRAB VERSION of her debut album.  That single was 'My Wicked Heart' and it was

literally


amazing.

Here it is if you don't believe us.


AMAZING. (just ignore the video...)

It's a slice of pop perfection with a healthy dose of personality and quirk.  But we'll be the first to admit that it isn't the most immediate and radio-friendly track either.  And for the everyday pop fan it proved to be a bit too much quirk.  It's more of an artistic masterpiece than it is a pop hit, a fact borne out by its eventual peak at 13 on the charts, which makes Diana quite an anomaly in the pop world.  For it wasn't because she was a talentless hack that she lost favor with record buyers.  It was actually the opposite - she failed because she was TOO TALENTED AND AMAZING.

So poor, unappreciated Diana split ways with her label RCA, and no one really heard from her for a while and we all just assumed she was off doing a pantomime in Cheshire or something.

BUT THAT WAS NOT THE CASE.

No, instead Diana was recording a new album that - if the first taste of it is anything to go on - is going to be RATHER TREMENDOUS.

Vickers has just offered up a download of 'Music To Make The Boys Cry,' which manages to have all the artsy street cred of 'My Wicked Heart' but wrap it up in a glittering electropop package.  It is a bittersweet midtempo jam of the highest order, but will also sound brilliant when some talented DJ comes long and puts a donk on it.  WHICH HAD BETTER BE SOON.

Anyway, you can listen to 'Music' below, and get it as a free download HERE


Music To Make The Boys Cry by mdstmgmt

Wait Ke$ha is still flogging that album? 'Sleazy' gets a revamp and release Dec 13

This is what Xtina would look like if she PUT DOWN THE FORK

We kind of forgot about Ke$ha there for a while, which is probably exactly why she is reworking her track 'Sleazy' from her 'Cannibal' album, chucking a few rappers on it and kicking it out of her glittertrash nest on December 13, hoping that it will soar to chart heights rather than splatter on the sidewalk below.

It's a bit of a by-the-numbers move, to be honest.  Hasn't the NOW WITH ADDED RENT-A-RAPPER thing been done enough?  Why, for example, can't she remake it with a didgeridoo band and Yo-Yo Ma, or rerecord it with a nunnery choir or something crazy and unexpected?

BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE TOO AMAZING AND OUR HEADS WOULD EXPLODE, THAT IS WHY.

Anyway, according to the beglittered one herself:

“Get ready to get even $leazier with this sick collaboration I did with 4 of my favorite MCs of all time: Weezy, Andre 3000, Wiz Khalifa, and T.I. I opened the “Get $leazy” tour with this song every night and it always got the party started…Get ready, this is the SICKEST and SLEAZIEST version YET.$.”

Yes.  Let's break that down, shall we.

First, we want to point out that apparently it is mandatory that even Ke$ha's press must include dollar signs, which means that some poor intern (we'll call her Rachel) who pretends to be the star on Twitter has to make 2 extra keystrokes every time an "s" comes up. 

Second, isn't T.I. in jail?  No?  Well whatever he still sucks.

Third, what the hell are you on about, Ke$ha's intern Rachel?  Of course this is the SICKEST and SLEAZIEST version YET.  There has only ever been one version, so it's not like there was a bevy of competition.  Relax.

Fourth, there's an extra dollar sign at the end of whatever that was up there.  Whether it was a mistake or an intentional insertion by Rachel to underscore the ridiculousness of random punctuation, we will never know.  But we like to imagine that somewhere, in a dark broom closet at RCA Records, Rachel sat with her company-owned iPad, and plunged her finger dramatically down on the dollar sign in an act of final, overt defiance, just as she expired from exhaustion and acute Red Bull poisoning.

Here's the album version.  Which is VERY GOOD INDEED but could definitely do with a choir of nuns.